Dating : Living at home. How screwed am I? Do I even bother?
I am a 30M and I still live at home. I am in this situation because I didn’t let the severity of the situation get to me while I was completing my master’s degree as a full time student while working full time as an employee. I also did not have my personal finances figured out and my cash flow stabilized until recently.
Lately as I’m slowly opening up to dating (I really haven’t tried hard enough yet), I’m already getting anxiety that this living at home thing is going to cause me some trouble for dating, especially reading all the other threads here with a similar question, but with a better disposition (slightly younger in age, ‘better looks’, etc.), but are in the same problem of getting turned down.
The only thing I can offer to the table is a plan. I definitely do not want to stay like this. I have a plan for the next three years to move out into a house, using the savings I’m getting by staying at home.
Just wanted to ask what you all think. Are there any of you in a similar situation? If so, what did you do?
Thanks for reading.
I think it’s less about living at home and more about what that implies about you. If you still live at home, people will quickly make assumptions about your maturity level. They will think you can’t maintain a home or cook or clean or do laundry. They will think you have an unhealthy relationship with your parents. They will think you are unmotivated and have no career ambition and no money. Basically, they will not see you as a full mature adult.
So address these things in your pitch. I think grad school and saving to buy a house are decent explanations. Make sure that you are indeed able to fulfill adult responsibilities without your parents help. It’s still a little odd, and will make dating awkward because I’m guessing most ladies won’t want to go back to your mom’s house to get frisky.
If you’re really concerned, then get an apartment.
Do you have a good reason for living there? If my mom could’ve helped me with room and board while I got a master’s degree and worked a full time job, she would’ve. It’s all about “spin.” You’re lucky! Do not be ashamed. You have a nice family and a good education. There are women who think that’s super cool—especially if you help out around the house. If you achieve your independence plan in these three years, then you’re golden.
I think the best thing you can do is be upfront and honest about the situation « I live at home…I know…I know…I’m 30 and I shouldn’t be living at home. But between debt and trying to save for a house, it’s the smartest thing I can do for now, and I really have a goal in mind…so it is what it is. »
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Or turn it into a joke. A girl I used to date called her parents her « roommates ».
Don’t worry too much. I lived with my parents after college for awhile and was still able to date, I was even in a fairly serious relationship at one point while I lived with my parents.
I think it’s great you have a plan, if you can relay that to your potential suitors, then all the better. The best advice I can give is set boundaries with your parents. I told my parents upfront that I wanted to live at home, but that I didn’t want it to impend on my ability to date. Not sure if this would be a problem for you, but it was really helpful to see those boundaries with my parents early on.
As far as worrying about what people you date might think, just don’t be self deprecating about it! Explain why you’re doing it, how it benefits you, what some of the things you like about it are. You have a GREAT reason to be living at home — you’re pursuing your master’s degree, saving up money, focusing on your finances. What’s to be ashamed in that? Anyone who would be interested in actually getting to know you wouldn’t be deterred by you living at home. So many of us do it, anyway! Best of luck.
Sure, living at your parents house is not ideal but it’s way better than [Living In A Box, living in a cardboard box.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHzfhU8t5i8)
If you live at home at this age, and you’ve ALWAYS lived at home (as opposed to having to move back temporarily because of some unfortunate situation), you are wiping out most potential romantic prospects from the beginning.
You cannot truly be an adult while living at home with your parents. That will make you extremely unattractive to most women. You need to live by yourself to be a real man with any hope of self-actualization.
This can be alleviated to some degree if a woman can clearly see you’re going somewhere. But if you’re goal is moving out in three years, then you are not going anywhere. Moving out in three years is not good enough. You should set an aggressive goal to be living in your own crappy apartment within six months. Otherwise, find a roomate and live together until you can afford a place alone. Most people save for a house while living on their own.
If you are no longer in school, then it would appear you have no valid excuses for living at home. If you want love and romance, you need to get out of your parents house.