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Dating : My boyfriend is an introvert and I’m an extrovert

Dating : My boyfriend is an introvert and I’m an extrovert


I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for 6 months and if I have to be honest, it been kinda boring. My boyfriend is very shy and introverted which contrasts with me being an extrovert and being really outgoing usually. And honestly I’m completely fine with that, but there’s been times when I really just wanna say ‘come on’. Because the only time I even see him at this point is literally at each other’s houses. We’ve only been on 3 dates in the span of our relationship and he really doesn’t like my social groups and therefore doesn’t like hanging out with me when I’m with friends/people he’s not close with. At first he was a little more open to joining in on doing things and going out (like we had when we were friends (we’ve known each other for 2 years)) but in larger social groups he’d kinda drift off and just get really quite and not socialize. I don’t mind this that much honestly, because I can’t force him to be social since I know he’s not, but I really struggle around groups with him because he completely shuts out everyone but me and it makes things kinda awkward I guess?
He doesn’t like hanging out with other guys (except for ones he’s close friends with) and he hates double dates even though he’s never been on one. I suggested this a long time ago with a close friend of mine with her boyfriend and he just made excuses that we shouldn’t be seen out in mixed groups (boys and girls) because the police will question us and get us in trouble (we live in a pretty religious country but the city isn’t too strict about such policies ). I just feel drained at this point and I don’t even try to suggest going out at this point because it’ll just upset him.
Not only that but I’m so goddam tired of going over to his house which is really fucking far from mine because he can’t/won’t come to mine so I spend approximately 20$-30$ approximately on a ride (one way!) to get to his house so we can watch a movie, chat for a bit and then fuck. And sometime he’ll invite like 2 friends over and we straight up just play uno or watch movies so like yeah.
Not saying that it isn’t fun but I’m just so bored of this routine at this point, I try suggesting things that could make things more interesting like maybe a bit of alcohol or something, but because his parents are religious, we can’t.

I might just sound whiny, but I really miss being in a relationship where I can actually go out with someone and we can both have fun. And that we feel like a couple when we’re out, I’m so incredibly jealous of my friends who have their boyfriends/girlfriends with them at hang outs and can spent time with them often etc. and for crying out loud, my best friends boyfriend literally drives from another city to see his girlfriend ATLEAST once a week.

I barely see my boyfriend nowadays because I don’t have money to constantly take a cab/Uber to his place and even if I do I’m so busy with school and exams atm that I can’t make time to go to the other side of the city to see him for 3 hrs. Honestly meeting up at a mall or somewhere closer would be so much better but because of he doesn’t like being out it just doesn’t work, or he makes excuses or doesn’t have time etc.

I’m just really tired of this relationship at this point and it’s just draining the last of my energy to compromise out needs. I’m moving in less than a month and will be breaking up with him (since I don’t want to do long distance) and part of me feels a little relieved? I just want to end things and go back to being friends without hurting him and moving seems almost convenient now.

What do you think?

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  1. Break up. Sorry to be harsh, but it will be easier and less hurtful for both of you to just get it over with now and not draw it out. Lifestyle compatibility is a huge thing, I learned the hard way.

  2. Sounds like you’re asking permission to break up with him. Obviously it’s already in your head. You want to do it and you probably will.
    Frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if you have your eye on someone else already or have orbiters ready to take his place (no judgement, I just know that’s the nature of things).

    Just get it over with and be spend time with someone who like to use their time in a similar way as you. No crime in that.

  3. Yeah it isn’t meant to be. Your needs aren’t being met and it will end in an argument down the road. I’ve been through this. :/

  4. My relationship is similar but not as extreme. I tent to be more introverted and suffer from social anxiety where my girlfriend is just about as extroverted as they come. As much as opposites attract you do need some things in common. Make a list with three columns: 1. Things you have in common, 2. Things where your differences complement each other, 3. Things where your differences clash and cause contention. Seeing it all written out will help you and your boyfriend sort things out. “Love does not consist of gazing into one another’s eyes, it is looking in the same direction together” -Antoine de St. Exupéry. Decide if the relationship CAN work and work out compromises, it sounds like you’ve already done a lot of that so talk to your boyfriend about what he can do to meet you in the middle. Hope this is helpful

  5. It doesn’t look like his problem is him being an introvert. It’s just that he doesn’t appreciate you and doesn’t put effort into relationship. I am extremely introverted and with a bit of social anxiety, but with my ex I met at least couple times a week and usually I drove to her, and we went to parks, cafes, movies and all kinds of places (though in the end it was not enough for her, sadly….)

  6. around 3-6 months is when you decide if you want to be in the relationship longer or not. you learn some stuff about the other person and if you can continue on, it’s good. if you can’t, then end it.

    however, in your case, i would have already dropped him a long time ago. he doesn’t seem to be matching you in many ways that are pretty much stressing you out right now.

  7. I think you really want to break up with him but you’re just looking for validation in here, I’m an introvert, I had opportunities to be in relationships but I didn’t do any moves, because I know they’ll get bored of me just the same way you’re bored with your boyfriend.

  8. I’m a little offended that you think this is what being introverted is. It isn’t.

    I’m an introvert. And several people I’ve dated in the past were introverts but were perfectly capable of socializing like a normal person. Your boyfriend is just a lazy asshole who BTW you are NOT compatible with and need to dump. He’s using “I’m introverted” as a crutch to not do anything he doesn’t want to do, or isn’t convenient for him. He’ll hang out with his friends happily but not your friends. I’ve dated guys like it. It didn’t work out because relationships are a compromise and if someone you’re with only acts like a normal person around HIS friends but then acts like a fucking weirdo around your friends, he’s an asshole.

    Let me clarify that I’m not saying weird as in shy. I’ve dated shy men that were just on the quiet side in large groups but still made an attempt to be kind and respectful. They didn’t act disinterested or socially inept. They were just more reserved. Which is fine. I’m not talking about that kind of behavior. Your boyfriend’s behavior is just unacceptable.

    You deserve better. Dump him.

  9. This boyfriend was me last year. I was initially open to join my partner when socialising in groups, but I wasn’t the type to initiate a conversation and nobody else was initiating conversation with me either. So even if I tried hard in the beginning, eventually it just got very annoying for me to go and just sit alone. Then I just tried giving excuses because I didn’t want to say no anymore. I was fine with small groups (1-2), but my partner preferred large groups. Eventually I got tired of saying no. I broke up few months ago.

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