Dating : Not physically attracted to a girl, should i break it off?
Hi guys and gals and everyone between!
I’ve been on two dates with this girl that my buddie set me up with a blind date with.
Got to give to my friends credit that her personality is so much like mine, we’re both huge introverts and we also have so much in common, like hobbies and interests and that stuff.
But she isin’t my type physically, and i’m not totally attracted to her. I got this feeling already on the first date, but thought that maybe attraction isin’t that important bc we are some much alike. Or that the attraction comes later.
But now after date #2, i still feel the same about it, and only stronger.
I find myself going on her facebook to look at her profile pictures and trying to get attracted to her, but no use it seems.
I feel like a picky douche and i hate it haha.
Also if i would break it off, would it be bad to do it via a phone call since we live somewhat far from each other and she has a car and i don’t, so i don’t want to make her drive here for that. By bus, which i travel with mostly, takes about 2 hours there and back. So even that is not a big issue, so if you guys think a phone call is bad, i’ll just have to go to her.
What would you do? And have any of you had this sort of experience yourselves?
Thanks! Peace and love!
Edit:
We talked on the phone just know and i told her i didn’t feel any romantic connection. But it came out that she had been feeling unsure of us as well! We decided that we want to stay as friends and we are hanging out later this week!
be honest, i feel like a phone call would suffice. just be kind, if shes mature shell understand. you cant avoid possibly hurting her, but its worse to keep leading her on. just dont ghost her.
its okay to feel like that, dont force something on yourself.
also, dont make a comment about her appearance. you dont sound like the type of person to but i thought id add that on.
You don’t always have to give a reason for breaking it off. I would let her down gentle and tell her that you are not interested in a relationship right now. If she pursues further, then it may be time for some brutal honesty, but you never want to make enemies with people.
Break it off, it will only make things messier the longer you try to force yourself to give it a shot
Been there. Just tell her she’s not your type. The sooner the better. It’ll be much worse for her if she develops strong feelings for you.
Yes you should break it off. Don’t lead her on if it’s not going to work.
Let her know that you enjoy the time spent with her but don’t see yourself romantically interested besides a friendship
I think a phone call or FaceTime is fine in that scenario. And I would go with your gut and not force it. It sounds like you guys could be good friends if you were interested. You don’t have to tell her you’re not attracted to her. That would hurt her feelings. Just say that it’s been great getting to know you but I’m not feeling a romantic chemistry. Would you still like to be friends?
yes. break it off if you’re not attracted to her.
Glad you two humans saw things eye to ear.
I’m not really good in dating but i would keep her as just a friend in your place,just sayin
Sounds like the right decision.
I had a relationship I stayed in way too long because our personalities matched well and it was always really comfortable, but I rarely if ever found her physically attractive – plus she was pretty self-conscious about it and had lower self-esteem, and that always made me feel less attracted to her when she would talk poorly about herself or her appearance.
It may feel shallow to not pursue something with someone just because of it, but really it’s doing you both a favor.
Yes, physical attraction is just as important as mental attraction.
I wana give you my perspective
When i met my gf of almost 2 years i wasnt exactly attracted to her either but i loved her character it was the same as mine we got along pretty nicely but today her not being my type is not a problem anymore i fell inlove with her but thats how i feel from my experience
I’m dating someone who I’m not massively attracted too, and the attraction has gone up from when we first met. Saying that my attraction issue isn’t her body, I think someone over weight would be a bigger issue for me, as that also comes down to health and lifestyle.
Some people might not like what I’m about to say, but you could just keep dating her whilst also dating other people. You aren’t in the relationship, you don’t need to jump into immediate action. I’m sure you don’t want to hurt her, but girls are quick enough to hurt guys once they stop feeling it, dating is brutal sometimes and all you can do is play the game. If you have lots of other options fair enough walk away, if not just sit back and see what happens, physical attraction for someone can go up and down because it’s pretty much in our head anyway, plenty of people become more attracted after getting to know someone over a longer period of time.
If you’re not attracted to her, you’re not attracted to her. Just can’t make attraction happen. Just tell her and be honest. Also please be aware that there is a massive difference between someone not being attractive TO YOU, compared to no being attractive in general. And when you’re letting her down, make sure she knows that. There’s no need to trump her confidence.
I love your update and that you are going to stay friends!!
Don’t date people you’re not attracted to. And you don’t have to be specific when you end it. Be polite. End it. And move on.
Yes physical attraction is just as important as being attracted to there personality
Sounds like it worked out for you. Glad you figured that out early on.
I’ve never gone a « blind date ».
Having said that you should *call her* and let her know you enjoyed getting to know her but you’re not feeling a romantic attraction and you don’t want to mislead her.
« I feel like a picky douche and i hate it haha. »
You shouldn’t feel that way. Everyone has their own mate selection/screening process.
You’re entitled to have your favorite color, ice cream flavor, physical attributes and so on.
You can’t « manufacture » chemistry. It’s either there or it’s not.
No one wants to be an « acquired taste » when it comes to being chosen as a mate.
Hypothetically just because two people want to get married doesn’t mean they would want to marry *each other*. Compatibility *without romantic chemistry* usually equals (friendship).
We all get rejected either directly or indirectly by others.
In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!
The thing you want to be careful with is not saying anything which reflects badly on the friend who set up the blind date. Their credibility is on the line with her. They likely said *good things* about you.
*** »Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is. »*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
I cannot marry a lady I am not attracted to. Outside of being a Christian, that is the most important thing to me. I cannot be intimate with a lady that is not beautiful.
We like what we like.
You aren’t being a douche. You tried more than most people would. Be gentle with her, and possibly stay friends and who knows in the future. Our wants sometimes shift with age lol.
Be honest with her, and yes. I’d say over phone is a dick move but if yall live far away it may be better that way.
Yes. Break it off. Let her find someone better for her.
I think attraction can build over time from really getting to know someone on a deeper level. The guys i were attracted to off the bat, ended up being my worst relationships vs the guys i were iffy about physically. I love a slow build to a relationship like having a friendship first before anything. I feel like if you can build intimacy via an emotional, intellectual, spiritual connection etc…attraction will just fall into place. But it also depends on what you are looking for. For some fun vs something serious. Maybe men and women are programmed differently in this regard. I was not attracted to my ex for a while in the beginning. I questioned it a lot but we had such great conversation and chemistry so i wanted to give it a chance. After we had sex a light switch in my brain went off. That was that.
I feel the same about this women I’m dating too OP, but the weird thing is I do get sexually aroused by her, so it’s like, what the fuck? I’m new to this so it’s tough.
You fall in love with the internals first, then the external comes 2nd. If you don’t feel a connection or bond then it probably won’t work. But if u feel emotional and mentally attracted to her then you’ve already got the most important part. Over time physical builds up as u fall in love with who they are. U end up loving them so much u can’t wait to love them up physically
Good on you for handling it like a respectful adult.
thats great! kudos for being a man/decent person and not ghosting, which is what most ppl do these days…I suspect being friends w/the guy might have had something to do w/not ghosting her, but hopefully not…
It sounds a bit shallow but realistically if you just don’t find her attractive and she doesn’t excite you, yeah you should break it off but be nice about it.
Not everything is about physical attraction. And that can come with getting to know her, and if it’s weight it’s something that can be worked on. A friend of mine want attracted to someone she was dating but their personalities fit so well. He’s not a conventionally attractive guy but they’re married now for more than a decade and one of the most solid and happy couples I know.
Yes
Yea finish it off
DISTANCE. She’s far away. Say you don’t want to deal with the distance and leave her alone.
Dump her.
well you don’t bring it up. You just dont see her again
2 dates, no need for in person. No need to set up a third date. No chemistry is the best way to say you don’t want another date.
Yes
Yea never say anything about you not being attracted to her, that’s asking for trouble.
Just play in the realm of incompatibility because if your not into how she looks, then you two are incompatible. So your not lying or degrading her by saying you just don’t think your two are compatible.
And you’ve only had two dates so a phone call should be fine