Dating : Reasons women say no to a second date after a « good » first one
1. Gross teeth/bad breath
Please fellas, use mints/gum. And brush your teeth before a date. Plaque is nasty and if your date notices she is not going to want to kiss you. Teeth whitening kits are $30 at most supermarkets…. If you need one, use one.
2. Clothes
Wear CLEAN clothes that fit well. Wear Nice pants or shorts ( no basketball shorts or cargo shorts on a first date). You’re trying to make a good first impression. No holes unless the clothing is made that way, and absolutely no stains . And fellas, if your date is at 6 p.m. do not come wearing the same shirt you put on at 6a.m. Even if you’re a clean and hygienic guy, it’s not going to smell like downy anymore and she’s going to think you have B.O. Bonus points if you’re wearing something that isn’t in your OLD pics.
3. Shit talking how hard dating is.
Don’t complain about OLD apps, the women you’ve met on them, or your other exes. It comes across as bitter AF and misogynistic.
4. Negativity
If you spend most of the date complaining about your job, your family, your dating past, your friends, the pandemic, etc… It’s going to be a major turn off. Very few women want to date or fuck someone that they feel sorry for. Save all your drama and bullshit for your therapist, close friends, or for future dates when you’ve built an emotional connection
5. Being too complimentary.
You don’t need to shower your date with compliments the entire time. If you do, it comes across cheesy and disingenuous.
6. Getting too deep too fast.
Don’t ask about her biggest regrets, sexual history, break ups, ten year plan, etc. Avoid topics like religion and politics. Don’t mention money at all.
7. Getting too invested.
Just enjoy the moment.. the only plans you should discuss on the first date, are the plans for the second date (and honestly I wouldn’t even do that. So many times I see posts where OP is confused about why she would agree to a second date during the first and then ghost/cancel. Truth is most of those times she just agreed because you were in front of her when she asked it’s just super weird and awkward to reject a total stranger to their face on a date). Even if you’re joking, do not talk about future dates, holidays together, vacations, and God forbid what your kids would look like or what you’d want to name them.
8. Being too sexual or touchy feely
Fellas, I see this topic thrown around and discussed a lot on dating subreddits. It is 100% better to not physical enough than to be too physical. I’ve never said no to a second date because the guy wasn’t physical or didn’t go for a kiss, but I have said no because he acted in the opposite way (and I fucking love sex and have a high sex drive). Truth is, too many guys only want sex and even if you are not one of those guys, if you lead with that she’s just going to assume that you are.
9. Making it too long/Trying too hard
Fellas, keep it short, sweet, and casual. Leave her wanting more! She shouldn’t think that she knows your entire life story after the first date, and if she does, she might not be in a huge rush to see you and learn more. Don’t plan a date that will last hours and don’t take her to a fancy expensive restaurant. Meet for a couple rounds of drinks, one cup of coffee, play one game of bowling.
And lastly…
10. It wasn’t fun
Make it fun and light hearted! You are on a first date, not trying to determine if she’s going to be your wife and the mother of your kids. Have fun and try to make sure she has fun. Don’t ask the same generic interview type questions we all get tired of. Even if we generally got along and had things in common, if I go home after a date and it was boring I’m not going to be in a rush to see the guy again.
My only main disagreement is in terms of the length of a date. In my experience the longer dates almost always lead to a second or third.
12. Stay off your phone! Your date should be the priority and focus of your attention. If you can’t keep off your phone for a little while, there’s no chance at a second one.
You forgot the most obvious one:
11: showing up and not being as physically attracted to the guy as you thought based on his picture.
> Plaque is nasty, and if your date notices, she is not going to want to kiss you. Teeth whitening kits are $30 at most supermarkets… If you need one, use one.
This doesn’t remove plaque, only regular brushing and consistent visits to dentists will do that. There’s also a difference between stains which whitening removes, and plaque. Moreover, if you do whitening improperly, it can be harmful and result in you stripping the enamel ~~dentin – a natural protective layer that can be slightly ‘yellow’~~ – off your teeth.
There are also differences between cultures and what constitutes a beautiful smile. For example, Americans typically tend to view very straight, very white teeth as beautiful. At the same time, most European cultures have more natural-looking teeth, i.e. less likely to get cosmetic procedures like braces and regular whitening.
I think having a good stance/posture is also important.
One time I went on a date (long walk) with a person who never stood straight, had really bad posture and droopy shoulders. This seemed unattractive to me in a way of how the person carries themselves.
I’ve been wanting to make an exit survey for all my dates to pinpoint which of these I do. You think people would fill it out if sent right after the date?
I kinda disagree, I feel like you have to be somewhat flirty/sexual to make yourself not be seen as the guy friend
If they say no to the second one, then the first one obviously wasn’t good..?
These are all reasons I as a man also use for women lol.
Dated a woman who smoked cigs. I had recently quit and man when I was smoking I would brush my teeth keep my house clean (not smoke inside) and thought they would never know. How wrong I was until I tried dating a smoker. Everytime we kissed all I could smell and taste was cigs. Her crib smelled like cigs and she never smoked inside.
Also the sharing up front probably would have been a lot if I did not do the type of work I do. I think most ppl probably were taken back buy for me I had hear her story many times over (which is not to say that it made any less impactful or wrong what she had to deal with).
Also, so much talk about work… SO MUCH. Great girl and person otherwise truly, wish her the best. But it was a little much for me.
I recently had a first where we did almost all the opposite of your reasons why there would be no second date.
We clicked so well with each other that our first date lasted about 7 hours. Would’ve been longer if I didn’t have to go to work and we talked about almost EVERYTHING and even held hands and kissed on the first, everything just felt so right and comfortable between us on both of our ends.
Of course personal hygiene is a given but it’s not a deal breaker depending on how severe it is of course. I get in these awful depressive funks where it’s hard to get out of bed let alone brush my teeth. I’ll take showers all day if I could but I like sitting in them. Depression makes it hard to do anything, personal hygiene included and I’ve been working on that. I may have slightly yellowed teeth but I brush every day now since my last dentist appointment
Clean clothes to you is that it has to smell like downy? You just seem wayyyy too picky. I work in a bakery so of course I’m not gonna wear my work clothes on a date
We talked about everything on our first date to make sure we were compatible, especially since I’m child free I need to make sure any potential partners are too so I don’t waste my time and theirs
They can also say no to a second date because women also like to just date around and get free shit. Even if someone hits 100% on your list there will always be people to take advantage and just use you for free food and drinks and move on to the next guy that’ll do the same
1. Not hot enough.
2. Better options lined up.
I recently went out with a guy who was super nice and good-looking, but he had not showered and showed up in sweats and a man-bun, because he woke up 15 minutes before our date. It was such a turn off. He didn’t message me after, but even if he did, I wouldn’t go out with him again.
Find a good balance between being too sexual and not sexual enough. If you don’t make even the slightest sexual advances then you will probably be told « Let’s just be friends ». When you do make those slight advances you can test the waters because OP is only speaking for herself and some women are in fact looking for sex on the first date and can turn you down if you escalate too slowly. Trick is developing the sense for how much is too much.
Agree with most other points!
Sometimes it’s good to be yourself though?
Mine is you’re nice but I don’t want to fuck you
Speak only for yourself please.. Cos as a woman i disagree with half of these, and it’s not okay that you try to speak for all women.
Wew the part where its our job to make it fun.
And ye still complain about Gender stereotypes
11. The chemistry was missing. It’s hard to explain. I’ve been on a series of really nice and fun dates. Some of the guys I’d go out with a few times just to see if the chemistry was slow. You either click or you don’t.
Jesus Christ all these damn rules…
I like your list
Wouldn’t a « bad date » be a more fitting description for a date with these factors? How is the date considered good if, for example, the man demonstrates bitterness and misogynistic negativity resulting in the woman not wanting a second date? Surely that was a bad date. In what universe is this considered a good date? Am I crazy?
Okay sooo…..
Don’t make the date too long or short. Do something fun. Be unique, but don’t get personal, avoid too deep of conversations. Make effort but not too much. Don’t be uncomfortable and distant, but don’t be too touchy. Care, but don’t care more than you’re supposed to. Compliment, but not too much. Be conscious of the outfits from your dating profile and don’t wear them. Be prepared and dress like you care, but don’t try too hard.
These may be helpful, but geeze. Everything is on a sliding scale and have to find the perfect balance of everything per person and have enough emotional intelligence & charisma to do so.. Dayum it’s near impossible and everyone is different
U made it harde then it should be. To the hellas, have good hygiene and focus on having a good time.
women have all these rules for guys lol.
Yo, this is great advice! Thanks!
Yes on the clothes! I went on the date with guy that dressed so sloppy it shocked me cause I was wearing a dress. Guys a t-shirt and shorts is unattractive.
Imagine the opprobrium if a man wrote what OP wrote about women.
It’s a trap
This kind of refreshes me because it reminds me that dating, while it can be fun, involves a lot of sifting through bad experiences
Most of these points don’t seem like they amounted to a « good » first date. I’ve had good first dates and generally, outside of one or two people, we just didn’t have any real chemistry, it felt like going to lunch with a coworker or classmate not a potential partner. They were nice people, though!
I just got into a new relationship and our first date lasted 8 hours. My previous relationship I actually had to run early on our first date (it was a last minute meetup) and the woman thought I had made up an excuse to bail despite immediately making plans for a second date. So I’m not sure cutting it short is everyone’s preference, either. Although for a first date from OLD I generally agree with shorter first dates are « better » but it’s all about feeling that out in the moment.