Dating : Stop blaming others for not wanting to date People who hook up alot
Unpopular Opinion:
I’m a Man and I tried Hooking Up two times, both times it was incredibly bad and I simply did not like it. But it helped me finding out what I want in life and what my Values regarding Sex is. Because I like Sex allot, but only if it’s with someone who I have a lot of intimacy with. That’s the first thing, I get judged when I decline to hook up with them and get told to « grow up and become a man ». Like what? Just because I’m a Man, I can’t decline Sex with a Hot Woman? That’s stupid.
In general, when I’m dating I’m looking for Partner with the same Values like I have, I always did and this ended in great Relationships. And for me seeing Sex as something special between two People is a kind of Value. I always was respectful to the Woman I would stop dating because of to many Sex Partner. You can do whatever you want and I’m not judging you, I would even be friends with you. But I don’t want a Partner who just sees it as a fun Activity you can do with Strangers. This Woman are getting mostly extremely defensive and telling me I’m a Sexist when im dumping them. Which is weird, because I think it’s a reasonable decision for a Woman to not date any Fuck Boy or a Guy who sleeps around a lot. I don’t make a difference here between Men and Woman.
I dont understand why it so bad to stop dating when you have extremly different lifestyles? At the End its better for both.
Whoever told you to “grow up and be a man” is an asshole but the good thing about freedom to choose what you want in a partner is that everyone has it. You go right on searching for someone who fits with what you value in a partner and everyone else can do the same without trying to tell one another they’re right or wrong.
Ive been called gay, a virgin, a loser, etc… because I wouldn’t take my pants off during one if the first few dates. Doesn’t feel great to hear, but im not really interested in what those people have to say much. Just do you. It is the ONLY way you’ll end up happy
Yeah, I agree
I really haven’t enjoyed a hookup either. Without the emotional side, It’s been leaving me wanting something more intimate and special. I’m a huge fan of sex but the wrong partner can make my penis soft so fast it’s embarrassing. Even the “choke me” ones or people who like to play non-consensual is a hard ask for me.
I really don’t care what other people do tbh,I just try to focus on my own weird issues.
It’s a touchy subject on this website because people in the past have been suspended or banned for voicing opinions similar to yours. I think your opinion is ok. Some people might feel empowered getting gangbanged. It’s not my cup of tea and it would lower my self esteem. That doesn’t mean I’m a prude or closed-minded. I have a doctor friend who used to do that; that was her thing and we didn’t judge her. I’ve had many people send me videos of them having unprotected sex with strangers they met. For some that might be fine, it’s just not my cup of tea. Sex positivity juxtaposed with hookup culture are aspects of the current zeitgeist. The next generation might have different views. Who knows? As for now I think it’s important for everyone to be honest with each other regarding their preferences. I don’t prefer scat or water sports. I’m not judging you. It’s just not my cup of tea.
Did I type this? This is exactly what I’m feeling.
I agree but I don’t care if my partner had sex with many people though, I just need the person accepts that I can only do it when there is real intimacy and that I felt comfortable with it
I love this. Truly admire you for being like this. Very little men think like you. You are a gem. Hope you find a lady who values you and sees your worth. Best of luck. Dating world is awful right now.
Hypocrisy, it is what it is. These type of people acts like people can’t have preferences just because they’re not THE PREFERENCE. Yeah you can hook up a lot but people that wants a long term relationship ain’t usually into people that has the tendency to casually sleeps around.
I’ve met different types of hook up guys. One had women paying for his needs, taking care of him, but he couldn’t do any of that for himself. Another just hooked up with woman that could babysit his kids, apparently he didn’t want a relationship. One was manipulative and abusive to the woman he dated, and another was cheating with hook ups. It’s a real circus out there and I agree, intimacy is much better. When I wouldn’t move forward with any of these they were pissed off. I had to block on every platform, who knew they would be so upset by one person, when they had so many coming and going. Some people just don’t like to be rejected.
Welcome to just another double standard.
Consent is only for women because men just want it all the time and if they don’t they are broken. /s
Why are you capitalizing like that?
If this is in response to the post yesterday then you missed the point. That post was calling out the double standard that exists where some men want women to sleep with them right away while simultaneously judging promiscuous women. There are also men with high body counts who judge women with high body counts and think that it’s somehow different. Either way, how many people a person has slept with shouldn’t be viewed as an indicator of how they value themselves. If you aren’t promiscuous and want a partner who also isn’t promiscuous, that’s fine, you are allowed to have whatever dating preferences you want. What’s not fine is holding yourself to a different standard than your potential partner.
You’re entitled to your preferences and people are entitled to scrutinize them when you publicize them.
FWIW, it’s fair to want someone with a similar level of experience as you. It’s only a problem when there’s a double standard.
Yeah I tried the casual hookup thing and it’s not for me. Yeah the idea of it is great but that lack of intimacy sucks. Meanwhile when me and my gf have sex it’s like an actual fun thing because we are both in love with one another.
Life is a *personal* journey!
Each of us gets to *choose* our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Each of us has our own mate selection screening process and « must haves list ».
Each of has our own boundaries and « deal breakers ».
It’s not about « right » or « wrong » but rather « agree » or « disagree ».
Ultimately everyone wants to be with someone who *naturally agrees* with them!
Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
The goal is to find someone who *already is* what you want in mate.
*** »Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is. »*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Same dude! Engaged in sex out of sheer horniness. Did that twice to make sure I was in the right mind both the times. Didn’t enjoy it at all. I did the second time with some of my fetishes, but it still wasn’t enjoyable at all.
Finally, realized, I need someone who appreciates me, understands me, bonds with me, connects with me because if I’m not doing that, it’s essentially having sex with a sex doll who can breathe!
Did you know, the biggest reason that prostitutes have given why men frequent them? They seek intimacy more than sex. Countless prostitutes have told – most men just want to cuddle, talk, and share some emotions more than anything. Those men aren’t appreciated as much as they are despite those men doing the best they can and because of that they develop low self-esteem and seek intimacy through these means.
I’d say Michael Scot from The Office summed it up quite well:
“It’s not Horniness, it’s loneliness”
I feel the same way as you
Always follow the golden rule: don’t yuck others peoples yum.
You want someone chaste and I want someone experienced. Both are okay so long as we are honest
Women will reject a guy for being 2 inches short of 6′ but then get mad when a guy rejects her for having a 3 digit body count lol.
I’ve been less and less interested in dating people who hook up because it seems as though having unprotected sex with people you don’t know has become more common now in hookup culture. It just really doesn’t sit right with me and I’ve had to turn people down because of it.
The quote women care about a man’s future and men care about a woman’s past is also very relevant here. Men are hardwired to be repulsed by promiscuous girls as it is an evolutionary adaptation to ensure paternity. That’s the main reason why guy’s will sleep with a girl with a bad history but will never take her seriously or commit to her.
The only people who get mad at people who dont date hookupers because of different life styles are those who are secretly(maybe not so secretly) ashamed of their life styles but believe deep down(regardless of if its true or not) that they personally HAVE to do hookups to get a shot with someone.
basically they need therapy asap
Women generally hate to hear that their past makes them undatable. Could be many different things in their past, but that’s one thing that « triggers » a huge portion of women.
I’m the same way
Sex to have sex just isnt enjoyable for me, especially when I can do a better job with my hand and the internet
I am a virgin (23 years old, female) and I personally wouldn’t want to date a guy like you. It goes both ways.
No one cares if you don’t want to sleep with people who have slept with other people before.
People generally don’t like people who act like they’re better than other people.
You don’t value sex more than other people. You just want to pair it with emotions all the time.
This doesn’t make you better or worse. You’re still equal to someone who had sex with 15+ people.
I don’t get why people are so up in arms about something that is none of their business.
Why do you randomly put a capitol letter at the start of some words? This hurt to read lol
It is not bad to have preferences and if you are being honest when you say that you truly are respectful of other people even if they don’t fit your preferences, then I’d say ignore the women who call you sexist and move on. To me, it’s similar to the fat thing. You don’t have to date fat women if you’re not attracted to that, just don’t treat them like shit.
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Categorization, classification and sorting are natural human impulses which is why they so often seem to rely on stereotypes. People who are so quick to assign judgement are people who don’t want to put effort into knowing or understanding something deeper.
Oh shit u are me! I hate a ONS as it is never good. I prefer to take it slow and ask questions regarding what the other person likes sexually – i like weird stuff so i have to know they are openminded!
I wonder if so many women think all men want is sex that for them it has become normal for a man to expect sex on the first date. So when it doesn’t happen these women think their date must be defective in some way. Personally, if you want a relationship then a woman who gets pissed that you won’t have sex on the first few dates isn’t the right woman for you. I dated a guy who wanted to wait longer to have sex than I did. We talked about it and decided to wait until he was ready. I’m not into hook ups and wanted a relationship so it was no problem to wait and build that relationship more.
I can respect that a guy wants some emotional connection but I was in a situation where the guy was like « no, I want to sleep with someone I know and not on the first date ». Then he left my place but 2 mins later he texted me saying he wants to go for it but when we try, he can’t perform. Honestly behaviour like this is annoying. I got annoyed. Tried to be polite but I had the female equivalent of blue balls so yes I can get why a woman would get angry. Just cause you can’t perform, doesn’t mean we aren’t ready. Women can get sexually frustrated too and that seems to be ignored. In other words, it’s never cool to lead someone on sexually or romantically.
Anyways, I don’t want to be misled either. If you don’t like having sex with someone you just met and want an emotional connection, fine but don’t lead me on. I’m not going to rape you and force myself on you. I will go to bed sexually frustrated. The OP seems to have self awareness but sadly I think many men think they should be ok with casual sex and then try to be players but they suck at it.