Dating : Welp. Deleted dating apps for the 800th time.
We’ll see how long it lasts this time lol. Just could not stand the ghostings anymore.
in Dating
We’ll see how long it lasts this time lol. Just could not stand the ghostings anymore.
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It’s rough. I’m still hanging in there, but it’s by a thread. I’m in the cusp where I’m attractive enough to match with fairly attractive women, but I’m not attractive enough to compete with the rest of the dudes they match with. The constant disappointment makes it hard to stay positive. I just try my best to use them casually and swipe during a loading screen during a video game or something. I can’t just sit around and devote real energy to it.
Commit to finding new means to meet guys in real life. Not just guys for dating, but get involved in some kind of sport or activity that leads to meeting more people as friends in general.
Fuck, imagine getting matches
Don’t know if you’re male or female, but I get you. As a man, I can safely say that MOST of the women you talk to will end up ghosting. Women (especially attractive ones) on these dating apps get a ton of play, so they can drop whoever they want, whenever they want, and it doesn’t effect them at all. It’s unfortunately just something you have to deal with, and you have to try to emotionally detach yourself from it (AKA not caring).
Ghosting is so disrespectful and brutal! I try not to take it personally but acknowledging rejection, swallowing up my pride, and getting back to the game has been a *Groundhog Day* story!
Ok, I’m going to rant too, but not about ghosting and having to compete with all the other « better » people on OLD, but about you guy’s ranting.
I never really understood why people care so much about being ghosted. Obviously, if you’ve been seeing someone for a while, being ghosted sucks, but the majority of people are talking about being ghosted after texting for a few days or after a couple of dates.
Why do you guys/girls care? Obviously they aren’t that in to you for whatever reason, does it really matter if they tell you why? They would probably just say something like « I didn’t feel a connection » or « let’s be friends » instead of « you were boring » or « your personality sucks » or whatever the real reason is. I feel that the people who complain about being ghosted have insecurity issues and low EQ that manifests in their personality, which makes it more likely for them to be ghosted.
I understand ghosting is rude but come on, stop caring! If you invite a friend to hang out and they say they are busy, do you interrogate them about what they are doing instead or what their excuse is? Either way they can’t/don’t want to hang out – forcing them to give you a reason is pointless and screams insecurity on your end.
The other complaint I’m seeing is the whole « I can’t compete with the rest of the people they match with. » This is a horrible way to look at it. There is no absolute scale that measures your worth as a dating prospect. Each person has their own way to evaluate what they want in a partner. You may not be able to compete with *this specific person’s* other matches at *this very moment*, but there are other people with whom you may be their best match, or there may be a time in the future in which you’ve became a better prospect.
Honestly, a big part of dating and life in general is self improvement. Knowing that there is a lot of competition in dating should motivate you to improve yourself so you can stand out. Am I a boring person compared to other people? Maybe I should pick up some interesting hobbies. Do I not have a great sense of humor? Maybe I should take an improv class, or study some standup. Am I awkward in social situations? Maybe I should go to random meetup groups and practice conversation skills.
A better and healthier view of « I can’t compete with other dating prospects » should be an introspective analysis on WHY that is, and decide if that reason is something you can/want to improve on. If you think it’s because there just wasn’t a connection or spark from both sides, then the relationship just isn’t meant to be and it makes no logical sense to feel bad about it. If it’s because you suck as a person then you should do your best to fix it, not wallow in you despair. If you don’t have this mindset then, frankly, you deserve what you get.
Personally, I prefer to have potential dates see as many other people as possible. This means that if they do end up in a relationship with me, it’s because she likes me more than everyone else she has met.
Try IRLD.