Dating : What’s the age where being a virgin and having no relationship experience becomes too bad and pathetic?
I’m a 24 year old guy who’s never been in a relationship and is a virgin because I have basically no social skills and have no idea how to be a socially functioning person.
I’ve been doing online dating on and off for a few years because it’s easier for me, but I haven’t had much luck on it, especially recently. I feel like I’m getting close to the age where it’s just hopeless and bad to be a virgin with no relationship experience at that age. I’m thinking maybe 27 or 30 or something.
The cut of is at 45 years old because I am 44 years old.
In a similar situation except I’m 27
From my experience, no one my age (22) would know people were virgins into adulthood if they stopped constantly bringing it up. I get it’s a personal thing you need to work through, but point is, it’s a personal thing you need to work through and no one really cares. It’s really not healthy to be fixating on sex so much and not having anything else to back yourself up on. If you have no social skills, fix that first before you worry about how many people you have or haven’t slept with.
It doesn’t matter if you look at different cultures across the board. In America, most guys already are in relationships early on. In other Asian countries, not so much. So on and so forth. It all depends on how you view yourself. Your self worth doesn’t come from being or having had relationships. It comes from you. If someone were to tell you any different, but you already know your own worth, then nothing they say will matter. Just be up front with your future partner. If she or he is the right partner, they will be understanding.
I’m in the best relationship so far and it’s with a guy who was a virgin until last fall. He is 31. I’m 32 and have had a few relationships. What counts to me is to m this: are they willing/ eager to learn how to give me pleasure? In my experience with PIV sex, the men climax almost without fail. I need foreplay. I need clitoral stimulation. Also, keep in mind that it’s always nice when you’re willing to reciprocate oral sex too. I hope my points are not too graphic. I just want to convey that there are many people out there who will be interested in you as a person. If the connection is there and you’re attracted to eachother, you will figure it out together.
Good luck to you!
Put aside the sex part of it for a moment, and let’s address the “no idea how to be a socially functioning person”
Communicating and functioning socially are skills. People aren’t just naturally good at it. They’ve just done it a lot, and likely been in social settings from a very young age.
You too can get good at it! But you have to DO IT. Yeah, it’s gonna be real awkward at first. You’re gonna have some real embarrassing interactions. And guess what? You’ll be fine! The world isn’t gonna end. People aren’t gonna put posters up around town like “hey, I had a weird interaction with this dude in the coffee shop, SHUN HIM.” Talk to people take an interest in them, with out viewing it as some kind of transaction.
Just… get comfortable around people. The relationship stuff will just fall into place after that.
You’re exactly the same person before and after the first time you have sex. Stop letting it bother you and just get out there and have a good time.
Never, next question please.
Well I think when or whether it is pathetic is up to you, and this very much varies by country… But as it happens, I just read [a newspaper story](https://www.hs.fi/hyvinvointi/art-2000007972592.html) about this a week or so back so I can give you some current statistics about Finland.
Of people aged 18-34, 10 % of men and 6 % of women have never had sex. This number does continue to decrease with age and at 35-years-old 2 % of men and women state they have never had sex. After this the percentage does not significantly decrease.
This means that if you’re looking at the age where, if you are still a virgin it will most likely never happen to you, that’s 35. In other words, statistically you’ve still got 11 years.
Whether it becomes pathetic, I don’t know. 2 % sounds like quite a lot. I wouldn’t say that 2 % of the entire population can be called pathetic.
Once you hit 30, I feel like significant psych damage has been done.
I think 30-40+. A couple of years ago I would have said 22-25, but with a lot more people being celibate now, it’s become more acceptable to be a virgin into later years.
That’s just my best guess. Sorry if it’s a broad range.
OP, I think that the first step in your journey to connect with people starts with your awareness of your social skills. Social skills come with practice and putting yourself out there. I think you could simply start by keeping eye contact with the people you DO interact with on a daily basis. Maybe smiling at strangers on the street. Get comfortable with how your present yourself.
Secondly, there is no timeline for when you accomplish things—relationships included. Everyone goes at their own pace. But if you’re feeling self-conscious about relationships and your socializing skills, those are things you actively need to work on in the coming months and years. Again, you have to practice self-improvement. I think the confidence comes with the work on yourself.
I guarantee if you’re open with communication sexually, you and your future partner can learn to please each other. Sexual chemistry is work no matter how “experienced” someone is. We all have different needs and wants when it comes to connecting—it’s just being open and vocal that makes huge differences.
Whatever you’re looking for, I hope you find it. And to anyone else feeling down about certain aspects in your life, run your own race on your own time. Your value isn’t determined by your “timeliness”. You are exactly where you’re meant to be.
I’m 28 (2 months short from 29) years old virgin guy with an sad past. There is a virgin sub and from what I’ve seen there 30+ virgin guys are really needy. It can be out of fear of dying alone (which also hits me from time to time but I’m trying my best to stay positive. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter if the person is a virgin or not imo. If you let if define you then that’s a problem.
You can always lie about it but I read this advice that you’ll attract the wrong people that way so if you want to find a meaningful relationship you can weed out those people by being honest about it. But if you simply just want to lose your v then lie about it. No one is entitled to know about this on the first date. Its not like you have stis or something.
Hey man, my best friend didn’t lose it until last year when he was 25 and he regularly says he wished he waited because he rushed into it with someone he didn’t actually have an emotional attraction to. I lost it at 14 and now I’m voluntarily celibate. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone and no one has any grounds to judge you based on this kind of stuff.
If you can write a well written detailed explanation of what you are not. Then you can do it. What stops people is fear. Fear the unknown, judgment, rejection, yada yada. But just make those first steps and you will see it’s really not that bad becomes easier. You will feel better about yourself too
Virginity is a made up construct for all genders. There is no age. Take your time and enjoy the journey.
Theres no cut off point. It’s ok to take your time. Virginity is an over praised value held up by social construct
This is the millionth time we’ve read a post like this and the answer is always the same:
If you’re worried about having no relationship experience then follow this guide:
* Have you ever had friends?
* Can you maintain a friendship past 1+ year?
* Do you do things like hangout with said friends?
If you answered yes to all 3 of the above, you have relationship experience. You (and many others) might not think it counts but most relationships are about interpersonal skills. If you have good interpersonal skills (ability to compromise, accept differences, etc), then you can consider yourself as having relationship experience.
Do you prefer relationship experience with *women*? Then go be friends with women, try to maintain a friendship with some women. Yes, even if they got a boyfriend. Hell, if you can, make the boyfriend your friend as well. Invite him out as well. If you can maintain a friendship like this, even with the girl taken, you’ll have proven to yourself and others that you can maintain a relationship.
Not to mention, with making alot more friends, you also have a higher chance of meeting a girl that can be your potential girlfriend. Hell, that girl with the boyfriend you made good friends with, she’s got friends and there’s a possibility that some of them are single. **Quick note though**, ***don’t befriend girls just to date their friends***… that’s very immoral and taking advantage of people. If you do that, that’s at your own risk. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
An important step with dating though is learning how to flirt, which is basically showing the other person that you’re
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>I feel like I’m getting close to the age where it’s just hopeless and
bad to be a virgin with no relationship experience at that age.
***Wrong. Your*** `mentality` ***that it’s bad and hopeless is what’ll keep you without a girlfriend***.
Here’s the full truth about being an older virgin. If you can act normal and you’re not too socially awkward, then nobody will overly care about you being a virgin.
Being a virgin isn’t the issue. Due to popular culture + TV shows and movies, virgins are portrayed as being socially awkward, needy, weird, cringelords who whine about being a virgin and make being a virgin their identity.
***If you’re so worried about being a virgin, here’s what you do:***
***Go online and/or read books about sex.***
* ***Learn how to kissing (just in case).***
* ***Learn foreplay.***
* ***Learn and practice how to put a condom on.***
* ***Learn how to give a girl oral.***
* ***Learn how to « listen » to her during sex.***
* ***Learn how to talk dirty in a not-cringe way.***
Since you think being a virgin is such a bad thing, then the only thing I can tell you is that the only thing « worse » than being a virgin is being an unprepared one.
Alot of people expect virgins to be terrible at their first time but that doesn’t mean you can’t control that. By learning the stuff I recommended above, you’ll make your first time alot better than most people’s first time.
*Remember, alot of people lost their virginity back when their brains weren’t fully developed and mostly controlled by raging hormones. Take advantage that you have a fully matured brain that isn’t bombarded by hormones. Learn and Plan things*
Hey, hush your mouth. I barely have relationship experience and I’m 27. Damn Gen Z.
Honestly, as a woman I find it so incredibly attractive when a man is a virgin. I think it says a lot about his character and how he respects himself and others. I think that sharing your intimacy with someone on such a deep physical level should be with someone you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. Now if I were you, I’d stay a virgin until you’re married and I’d use that as a reason when trying to get to know woman and they will probably be way more accepting of it. Because then it seems like it’s your choice to not be sleeping around and wait for the right person to share yourself with and not like you’ve been rejected a bunch of times or are just awkward.. I think as a woman I would value that mans decision and I would feel so incredibly happy if he chose me to share himself and his life with knowing that he hasn’t done that with anyone else except me.
Now that might mean you have to wait a little and some girls who are ONLY looking for sex will not stick around, which will then become a good thing because I’m sure you don’t want to be used for sex. So continue to hold out I think the best is yet to come!
It’s a social construct, don’t worry about it.
My mother is of an older generation (Cuban), one of her friends took her life because she lost her virginity and was unmarried. At the time she though no man would want her (because she was not a virgin anymore) and thus took her life. Absolutely awful thing, but just an example of how fucked up society can be.
I lost my virginity freshman year of college going into electrical engineering. Now I kind of wish I didn’t because I am too busy to dedicate time to dating. So I think it’s best if I didn’t have that experience, I wouldn’t know how it feels like and wouldn’t want it as much.
I have a friend who lost his virginity in his 20’s, he married that girl and now they have a baby. Same thing with a another friend, she lost her virginity in her mid 20’s and she’s married to that guy still. There’s no time frame and don’t be so hard on yourself. Keep doing the online dating, the more you do it, you’ll get better at it. I kept doing it so I’d stop being so nervous and then I met my current gf online. I was single for 3 years prior. Don’t worry, you’re going to be fine. If a date doesn’t go well or you get ghosted, it’s not a reflection on you. People are weird sometimes and that’s their issue. Good luck out there!
If you lose your virginity at 99 years old you are not pathetic.
If you lose your virginity at 60 years old you are not pathetic.
If you lose your virginity at 40 years old you are not pathetic.
If you lose your virginity at XX years old you are not pathetic.
say it with me. YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC.
The only reason I’d say it might be a problem is being a virgin myself (at the time) and was with many other virgins they didn’t have the balls to actually try anything with me… and I didn’t make the first move so we never got anywhere, and then when I finally dated someone with experience I liked it better because they had the confidence to initiate those things with me, but then again everyone starts out as a virgin and has to get that experience somehow so I wouldn’t rule you out just yet only being 24. I’d say 30 is probably the age I’d be wondering how and why it hasn’t happened yet but that’s just me, everyone’s different. Best of luck!
Its never pathetic to be a virgin, its never too bad to be a virgin. As important as sex can be, the whole stigma to lose your virginity is fucked up and we should try and put our focus away from it. I know its hard to not feel like a loser bc of these things or as if you have failed somehow. But thats not the case.
Sex doesnt make you automatically a better person.
My best friend is 31 and never done anything sexual wise. She’s is still a great person and has a great heart. Sex or virginity doesn’t make you worth more or less. Its not bad or pathetic to never have had sex.
Just do what you want in life that makes you happy. If someone makes fun of you for this they are not a good person and you shouldn’t bother with them.
My bf is a 29 yo virgin, I don’t mind at all! People make a much bigger deal out of virginity than they should, it’s really not that important. You’ll find someone who doesn’t care, don’t worry so much!
I lost my virginity at 19 (22f now) to some random guy I met on bumble and it’s the biggest regret of my life. There was nothing special about it so I personally think you are in a fine place to be. I would’ve much rather waited for the right person than having the “get it over with” mentality. In some ways I envy you. You are in control and can make the right choice. I was so blinded by sex and thinking it would change me as a person but it did nothing for me. Good luck dude.
As a woman: I really don’t think being a virgin is ever a pathetic thing on its own no matter your age. If I genuinely like a guy the amount of sexual experience he has is not going to be a dealmaker or breaker for me. Note that I only do more long-term dating, people who like to hook up might feel different.
I feel like it only comes across as a bit sad when a guy bases their whole personality around being a virgin, such as constantly mentioning it, or holding a myriad of sexist beliefs about why they’re not getting laid.
Same goes for relationship experience really. I myself didn’t start dating until… 25? Cause I had other things going on. So I don’t really care.
No woman will ever leave you or judge you for being a virgin if she truly likes you. It’d be creepy if she’s only into men who have been with other women lol.
It’s never pathetic to be a virgin. Just don’t make your whole life about trying to lose it. It’ll happen when the time is right. If you don’t mind me asking do you have any particular reasons as to why you waited?
As a man, as early as possible (by 18 you shouldn’tbe a virgin in any regard), for women, never.
Also, when a woman tells you it doesn’t matter, remember that she is lying.
You start by changing that outlook on yourself. I used to have almost 0 social skills but holding several jobs I have developed some basic ones and have come relatively for. Read that book how to make friends and influence people. Be positive! Social skills can be developed over time! Focus on hobbies and interests within yourself, learn about a lot of different interests! You’ll get there eventually.
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You may not have something in common with EVERYONE, but you will have things in common with SOMEONE.
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While I am not a virgin, I have not had sex since 2016 and I am in my early 30’s now. I am working right now at getting back in the saddle. I can relate to your post and I recognize how it may be difficult not to beat yourself up but ultimately that doesn’t help us. I beat myself up a lot also over all sorts of things but it does nothing positive for me. I wish you the best in losing your virginity.
Better to not worry about it and spend your energy on improving yourself. Watch YouTube videos on how to improve your social skills. Take those skills into the real world and practice your ass off. It will happen eventually, just put in a whole bunch of work. You’d be surprised at how you can change yourself with a little practice.
I hope this eases your anxiety. There are people who have had sex with hundreds of people that have no idea what they’re doing and lack social skills or the ability to retain health relationships. Just because you haven’t doesn’t mean you can’t. For me personally, it would hold no significance if I met someone who had never dated or had sex. You’re fine!
Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. I have so many ideas! You say you have basically no social skills. I would love to recommend seeking out a Cuddlist in your area. They offer professional cuddling and it’s a lovely laboratory for practicing and gaining those skills. Another great option is a Cuddle Party. These are both platonic spaces to learn and practice.
As far as online dating, ask a friend to look over your profile.
If those don’t help, talk with your therapist about Surrogate Partner Therapy.
It’s never a bad or pathetic.
Everyone lives different lives and if they judge you for past decisions, they’re not worth your time.
There’s no such thing.
There isn’t but 24 isn’t it either.
Go to a therapist if you want to improve your social skills and reduce social anxiety.
25
110
I think like 28-30? But I have read it somewhere that people who are still virgin at this age is increasing. Shows how hard getting relationship is these days