Dating : Where do you meet single women after college without looking like an absolute creep?
Here’s what I’ve (22M) tried so far:
1. Dating apps – duh. My first choice since the woman can just unmatch if she isn’t feeling it. I had some matches and conversations, but they didn’t go anywhere. The vast majority of girls on there that are around my age are just looking to party or to stroke their ego, or if I match with someone that is genuine, they just don’t respond. I’ve read up about the stats of Tinder matches, and it’s just a giant waste of time from a statistical perspective.
2. Meetup – as in the website/app. Well, the problem is that I live in Silicon Valley, and 99% of the meetup groups (I shit you not, check it out if you don’t believe me) are related to AI, big data, machine learning, startups, or VCs. Like for fuck’s sake I already spend enough time at work every week, I don’t want to spend what little time I have left talking about work. There are a few « actual » social groups on there, and they’re either for boomers or they’re pretty much dead, as in one event per month with two people going.
3. Gym – I go couple times a week, but it’s not a very good place to strike up a conversation. It’s crowded, and people all have their workout routines to go through. It simply does not seem appropriate to approach people in that environment. I’ve also heard from women that they absolutely hate it when guys try to talk to them at gyms, so I’d prefer not to get told « get lost creep ».
4. Work – I spend the majority of my waking hours at work. Unfortunately it’s a tech startup which means there is more sausage than Oktoberfest. The few women that we do have are significantly older or married/in a relationship. Plus, it’s just unprofessional to date a coworker.
5. Nightlife – I’m not a club person, but I like going to bars. Unfortunately, most of the bars around here are for people in their 30s and 40s. While I could go to SF over the weekends, I haven’t been able to get my friends to go with me (it’s a long trek considering traffic), and I don’t know how women feel about a lone man drinking at a bar.
I’m also looking into joining a climbing gym because I heard a lot of young people here enjoying it, and it seems like a better place to talk than a gym. I’m open to any advice, but at the end of the day, I can’t pretend to be something that I’m not.
I’m a 26 year old lawyer and I have the same problem. Interested to see the comments on this
Can attest to the benefit of going to a climbing gym in order to extend your social circle. Unlike a regular gym, there’s a social aspect of climbing along with the obvious physical assertion which kills two birds with one stone. Now, whether you meet single women is dependent on how well you strike up conversations with people, but if you go down the road of using the climbing gym as your means of meeting people, it’s a step in the right direction.
Best dates and ones that turned into relationships have always been while I am doing things I love or at least can get into. I don’t love running but I like it enough to do a run club. Not sure how it is in your area but Raleigh NC has a bunch of run clubs that meet at breweries so it’s prime meeting location!
Other things have been the dog park. If you don’t have your own go with a friend. You can tell a lot about a woman by her dog too.
And in general do clubs like a fitness one at your gym if they have it. Become a regular somewhere and get to know the people who work there. Do volunteering if you like that. Volunteering for a group event or even something like an animal shelter.
The key is to not go somewhere just because you think women will be there. Go because you enjoy it and if you meet them doing that you are already at an advantage to strike up conversation.
One of the best guys I met was when we were doing a fitness check in club and he had gotten to know a few of the regulars, so he came up to me and put out his hand to shake « Hey I don’t think I’ve met you yet, My name is X. » He wasnt a super over the top outgoing guy, just friendly and it felt warm when we were all just standing around waiting. He did that and we chatted for a bit then he said he had to get back with his friends. Before he left though he asked for my number. Because it was a group setting and he had people who knew him even casually, I felt really at ease and didn’t find him creepy at all. It was super attractive! Hope that experience can help!
Make male friends, then after awhile casually ask them if they have any single female friends that they wouldn’t mind introducing you to.
I think you’re on the right track with joining a climbing gym. I had a hard time with this too until I started doing Krav and jujitsu, and going to seminars and what not. If you’re religious, you could join a church group, and you could also do volunteer work.
You’re really not going to find quality women at bars/clubs and on dating apps and shit, and if you do they either don’t want to be bothered or just have so many guys after them that you’d have to fucking castrate yourself to get their attention for a second. It’s just a really clunky and boring way to meet girls in my opinion. I agree that approaching girls at the gym is generally a bad idea, even I don’t want people bothering me at the gym and I know girls hate when douche bag gym rats patronize them and flex figuratively and literally.
Don’t look for love. Let love find you. Meaning that you shouldn’t have a relationship as the top priority. Focus on friendships that involve women. The best relationships come from a friendship. Even a friendship that may surprise you.
With that said, attend classes on your favorite hobby or passion with the goal of meeting like minded people.
> I’ve read up about the stats of Tinder matches, and it’s just a giant waste of time from a statistical perspective.
What were the stats?
You need a hobby.
That climbing gym!!
And at the risk of sounding like a creep myself, be aware that at climbing gyms…you see a lot of ass.
Most women are aware of this and this sometimes makes them untrusting of male climbers befriending them. Also « tutoring them » and the like.
What you seek sounds like a person at a similar place in life.
You should seek out a hobby that attracks people to YOU!
I do hobbies that have people coming to me.
And it’s always a good idea to ask around.
« Do you know anyone so and so who is up for a blind date? »
I think you need to consider new social activities and hobbies, things that regularly involve groups of people. Research what is happening in your area. Could be discgolfing, competition shooting, cheese and wine tasting groups, maybe take some dance lessons, pickup a musical instrument, golf, other sports, hiking, chess tournaments, competitive backgammon, coffee shops, etc.
A hardware store i used to live by would have random things every day of the week like cupcake decorating classes. Sure you could meet some women there, but if you’re not genuinely interested in making delicious cupcakes then you’d just be a creep, right?
Wanting to meet someone is really just a roundabout way of wanting to work on yourself. Enrich your own life, and others will want to be a part of it. The last thing you should worry about is being a creep, but working on being a better person will almost always end up with being more attractive to people. It’s much easier to meet people and talk to women if it’s in the context of an activity you’re all taking part in. Best of luck!
I’m a 26F and pretty much in the same situation.
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« Dating apps – duh. My first choice since the woman can just unmatch if she isn’t feeling it. I had some matches and conversations, but they didn’t go anywhere. The vast majority of girls on there that are around my age are just looking to party or to stroke their ego, or if I match with someone that is genuine, they just don’t respond. I’ve read up about the stats of Tinder matches, and it’s just a giant waste of time from a statistical perspective. »
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I recommend using more « serious » dating websites. However, you will always have the issue of most people only wanting to party or stroking their ego. It’s just how it is for most people.
» Work – I spend the majority of my waking hours at work. Unfortunately it’s a tech startup which means there is more sausage than Oktoberfest. The few women that we do have are significantly older or married/in a relationship. Plus, it’s just unprofessional to date a coworker. »
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I work in CompSci research at my university. While I would supposedly have the advantage of being in a sausage party, that doesn’t automatically mean that those people are available, unfortunately.
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Another good option, besides the more serious dating websites, is probably searching for a hobby and meeting someone through that. I enjoy gaming a lot and that’s how I met some of my former boyfriends.
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Good luck! 🙂
Dating app, shows/concerts/parties, on the bus (before Uber existed), shared Uber rides, and mutual friends. What’s funny is that a dating app got me a boo recently. It took me two years to find someone I am pretty compatible with through tinder. I know it’s hook up central but I don’t put pressure on anyone to be in a relationship with me I just tell them that I’m not looking for hook ups but I’m also not looking to tie anyone down unless we feel that way kinda deal. But overall, you just happen to meet people if you put yourself out there and are willing to talk to people or start conversations. It’s up to you if you want to be awkward or be awkward but talkative-ish.
> the problem is that I live in Silicon Valley
This is the actual problem. You’re in the area with the worst male to female ratio in the country for men. In a book called [Date-onomics](https://www.amazon.com/Date-onomics-Dating-Became-Lopsided-Numbers-ebook/dp/B00U0OBRT4/) it points out that Silicon Valley has the worst male to female ratio for men so the changes of a man succeeding in dating in Silicon Valley are very very low. On the flipside, Manhattan is an excellent place for men who are dating because there are more college educated women than men.
If you havent had success on all of those venues then it might be hard to meet someone. I mean setup from friends could work. Maybe a night class (cooking class or something). If none of these work, then the problem is NOT the venue but rather your people skills (so work on that).
Activities you enjoy, generally. As an example, I attend many science fiction conventions, and have found them to be the perfect place to meet folks. So, the real question is, what do you enjoy?
I’m having the same dilemma as a 25 yr old female in the SF Bay Area. My friends usually only like hanging at bars/clubs, but I haven’t met any decent guys from there. I’ve been on the apps for the past few years, but nothing serious has come out of it. The dating struggle is real.
Online dating sucks ass these days because women never want to commit. They have an endless buffet of guys feeding them attention so when they get bored of one they move on to the next. It’s a pain in the ass to find a relationship with today’s dating scene since it seems to be the norm. Girls will wait, wait and wait always vying for that validation.
i’d recommend sports. you naturally meet other people anyways and you get to have a workout while doing it.
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tinder -> just be selective. you can filter out a lot of the not-so-serious ones through their profile. also try bumble, etc.
My brother told me about something the plumber that does a lot of work for us was doing for awhile, it was some kind painting get together he would put on at his house, my brother went and checked it and said it unbelievable the women that were showing up, Im sure their was some casual drinking involved also, not sure how he was getting the word out, social media? Anyway I still can’t imagine this dude coming up with and pulling it off but it sounded highly effective. So basically a hobby with drinks 1 night a week get the word out see if any lady’s with similar interests bite, I know my story is kind of vague but I can ask him for details.
I really have been having the same issue, I recently moved to a more urban part of my city, and just being within walking distance of various bars has made it easier to meet people. I’d also advise perhaps renting or buying a “community” setting. My apartment building has a popular pool and common area, and it’s not weird to strike up a convo with neighbors. Some may have no interest, but some might, and especially male neighbors might invite you over, and therefore get connection. A gay friend may help too, stereotypical yes, but it works, to an extent.
In regards to the bar, I don’t think being alone is creepy. I went out last night, and while I didn’t go home with anyone (not my intention) I met a number of people AFTER my friend left. Im not a bad looking guy, but I’m not a full on stud either.
Become a regular at some places. Keep looking around and make note of the clientele. Sure you can play it by ear, but if you’re not comfortable asking for a number the first time, you may see them again, and don’t let rejection discourage you, and especially don’t get a reputation as a jerk, if you’re turned down, take it in stride. Good example being yesterday again, I talked to a girl a good 15 mins before she revealed she had a BF, instead of just walking off, I actually asked about him and what he does, and before I left she said “it was nice to meet you, chances are if you see me here again, it’s fate and I’ll give you a chance” IE, she don’t go out much, and she’ll probably be single if she does again.
I also met plenty of guys, and they’re just as important regardless of your sexuality. Chances are that dudes at the bar, either alone, or with other friends actually wanna be there, you can keep your old friends, but like me, you sometimes need your bar buddies, and where better to meet them than at a bar itself?
I guess this is the roundabout way of saying, you gotta just put yourself out there, and don’t be afraid to make “just friends” because it could be an opening to someone perfect for you.
I found just in general activities (gym, boxing, coffee shop, running in the park) was the best for me. museum here in NYC too. you have to have a little more comfort to walk up to women out of the blue at at these places, and in some instances they may feel vulnerable (ie in the gym when they don’t have all their makeup and shitt on)
but a good thing is 1) i feel confident as hell, no shyness like when i was younger 2) you know whether she’s interested right then and there
You’re 22. You’re not in the creep zone yet.
Try looking into intramural sports. I know a bunch of people who have met their significant others through volleyball leagues, kickball leagues, etc.
Go to coffee shops. I go there to code and met my boyfriend at one.
I’m a chick. Sorry this is long.
I think most people in their early twenties, of either sex, aren’t looking to settle down just yet. It makes the ones that are there seem non-existent. Small towns don’t help.
But as a female, I can easily say the same thing about dating. It’s hard all around, but it helps to ask.
Maintain your interests or discover new ones. A girl is bound to show up sometime. Even in dominantly-male settings.
Every girl has to go shopping. If you can’t come up with a story as to why you’re in the woman’s section of Target, stick to a grocery store. “Hey do you know where such and such is,” can start the conversation.
For instance: If there is anyone remotely female in your family, ask the girl for a female opinion as to what to buy a cousin’s graduation/mom’s birthday/whatever gift. Just don’t say girlfriend. If she gives suggestions, ask where and if she can point them out. If she takes the time to show you, you can talk, and it means she’s not entirely bothered by your presence if she’s willing to help. Smile and be engaging and relieved if she shows you. Just pick what she points at. lol Make her laugh then compliment her smile. Girls like compliments.
A lot of girls read (grocery store book isles count). Try the bookstore or library. They don’t just read romance. There are loads of girls that are into comics and manga too, so I think the topic would be easier. Especially with Marvel being so popular.
Restaurant bars are more mellow and many people sit at them waiting for tables. Not every woman in a restaurant is taken. Look for a ring. If you’re intimidated by women in groups, talk with all of them, but buy her a drink. They’ll all talk and at least one of them will say “he seems interested because he gave one to you,”
Airports – everybody waits, not every woman there is attached.
Hopefully you’ll get there. One single person to another.
Meetup at a climbing gym? They exist although I live in Colorado and we have climbers everywhere.
Get a dog
Check a hiking trail on the weekend, they’re in a more open mood at this time, you can also volunteer at events, check the nearest college bulletin board. If you have a dog walk him towards the girls.
how handsome do you think you look?
Maybe check out something like a co-ed sports league. I’m planning on signing up for a co-ed bowling league when the season starts up again.
as far as places you frequent:
1. Never text women in the early phase…. always Call women
2. Approach women aiming to be their friends…
2a how do you treat your friends? if they wanna talk great.. if not, ok catch ya later…. period.
3. As you build rapport, you will notice who has attraction for you
3a…. the reason you wanna be friends is because it’s low pressure
4. When you see enough signs, ask them out…
it’s that simple
.. and it can be in any place….. stop being an excuse machine
out n about. when buying groceries, getting some in-n-out, at the mall, etc…. if you see a cute girl, ask her out. Don’t view it as « I’m asking this girl out and might get rejected ». View it as information discovery. You are uncovering whether or not you and the girl are a match.
and
friends of friends
and
happy hours. go with some coworkers
Bars/Pub crawls, Church, Weddings, concerts. Whatever situation, just be confident in yourself, especially with rejection. You can still seem creepy in any environment if you dont have confidence.