Dating : Why do men loose interest in just a few weeks?
I (25F) have been speaking to this guy (28M) I met off Bumble for 4 weeks now. We seemed to click instantly, it was one of those talking to each other day in and out kind of associations, we had similar interests, humour, etc. He had been showing a lot of initiative in planning virtual dates, singing songs and playing the ukulele for me, showering me with compliments. We had discussed what we’re looking for and agreed that we’d both like a serious long term relationship. I was quite flattered and even though I am generally a very guarded person, I was reciprocating with affection and attention as well.
We last spoke this weekend over a 2 hour video call.
The next day he had texted me saying he wasn’t in the mood to talk, some argument in the family, initially I appreciated it because I like a man who can ask for and give space. But since then I have noticed a shift in behaviour, not as eager anymore, very unavailable, not invested in the conversation etc.
As someone who has been on dating apps for 2 years now, I am far too familiar with the pattern of high interest to no interest.
However, my question is whether men fall into this pattern because they loose the thrill of the chase (so quickly?! It’s only been 3-4 weeks) or is it because I am being too available or perhaps because I’ve shared about exes and their mistreatment leading him to think he doesn’t have to do much to retain me?
It could be something you’re doing, but there are also just a ton of people with profiles who aren’t really up for really dating for one reason or another.
People have baggage, mental health issues, anxiety/insecurity, aren’t really single…
Online dating is so easy that folks can test the waters without really having to take any real risks. Virtual dating during the pandemic allows people to drag it out even longer.
I think it’s normal to lose interest after that many weeks, especially if you have yet to meet in person. You build up this idea in your mind of who the other person is and it’s very easy to fall for that ideal. Then you spend time with them (even if it’s just a 2hr zoom) and realize they’re a real person and not the character you made up.
It hurts when that happens, but it’s better for it to happen earlier rather than later. People end up dating for years with one being far more invested than the other, just to get blindsided with the “I’m not that into you.”
Probably got bored of just talking online, a month and you haven’t even met up in person Is a pretty big sign its gonna fizzle out.
>is it because I am being too available or perhaps because I’ve shared about exes and their mistreatment leading him to think he doesn’t have to do much to retain me?
This is a very good insight and I wanted to highlight it for you as another woman. Men don’t respect women who are seen as too available. I get preached and virtue-signaled all the time that the dating world is a super-equal and very liberal place, but sorry, men don’t operate this way and it has been repeated time and time again. If you are too available, you’ll start being seen as clingy and not independent and start being taken for granted. Plus, it’s not healthy for you either.
I also wouldn’t share mistreatment of exes with men you are dating. I don’t even share body count. Too many men want to use it against you and posts littered on reddit about it lamenting women over their past is franky extremely common. Protect yourself and don’t share things that are not other people’s business.
Lastly, don’t blame yourself about men losing interest. A lot of them can be quite impulsive and not know what they want, so this is extremely common. Just let themselves be weeded out and see if they stick around long term. You’ll find one. 🙂
I’ve been in this situation. As a man you’re told to move things offline/off-app as quickly as possible. After a few weeks if we don’t have plans to meet already the excitement fades. A zoom call may have told him he isn’t as attracted to you in person or in that time he met someone else or discovered other things he needs to focus on.
Post nut clarity. We don’t know if we like you until after. This is why when women use sex as a weapon we end up resenting them. Current dating has men having to act out of our nature to contend. I love me a simple woman. It’s just that with culture they cannot engage with you freely without being killed. Lol
Personally it seems to me that it’s one of two things.
I highly doubt he lost interest out of the blue. Something changed for him…probably during the video chat. Some men are easily intimidated, and could be something as simple as feeling like you were out of his league in looks / money.
The other possibility is that he was talking to multiple people at the same time, and someone else caught his attention.
It’s possible he’s just loaded up with family stuff.
It’s *probable* that after 3-4 weeks and not getting off Zoom and hearing your baggage from past relationships, his initial excitement has cooled off and now talking to you feels like a chore.
Men connect through activities and touch (not a euphemism) not talking insesently.
Sounds like he’s not ready to settle with one lady to me
I have had the same experience with women, so I don’t think it’s unique to men. I’m not sure. I get tired of it too
My post was in regards to actually meeting lol.
Since this is a repeated thing. You are probably giving off a vibe of not being interested.
1. 3-4 weeks no plan to meet up in person most guys to move on, you’re not interested.
2. Are you flirting back or at least showing some interest?
3. You talked about other guys. Generally when women mention other guys (exes, coworkers, sometimes even male relatives), we start thinking we are dead in the water right in the middle of the friend zone.
It’s only been three to four weeks??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ONLY ONLY 3-4 WEEKS HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
I think alot of it is physical attraction. You could have an amazing attraction initially thru the phone or text but once I’ve actually met people or seen them maybe in less flattering circumstances, I lost interest romantically. As men we are so physically hard wired that the girl could be mother theresa herself but if you’re not attractive to him, then it’s not gonna happen.
In this instance, I’d say just move on from it and take it as a good learning experience.
Why do men lose interest in just a few weeks?
There. I fixed it. Also, why make a broad generalization about men when it’s only been your personal experience? It sounds like the common denominator is you.