Dating : Your Social Network is the Most Important Thing when it comes to finding potential dating partners
Hey everyone, 23M here and I would like to share my thoughts on finding potential dates. For the last 5 years or so I’ve been attempting to use dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge to find dates. After very little success (literally 2 dates in 5 years), I’ve given up on these apps. Dating apps just don’t work anymore. I used to think it was the app’s fault, but now I’ve realized online dating just really doesn’t work. Most popular websites like Instagram, Reddit, Twitch, and various dating apps are still heavily male dominated. The result is men desperately trying to get the attention of a handful of women whose inboxes are flooded with messages from guys. Apps like Tinder are basically impossible to get dates on due to the dating market being so saturated with guys. Making yourself stand out in a sea of men is increasingly harder to do.
On top of that, I’ve found online dating for women poses several annoyances and risks many men tend to overlook. For women, meeting up with a guy she just met online can be dangerous, as she has limited information about the guy and if he truly has honest intentions (of course this works the other way around for guys, but rarely is a problem). Women also have to deal with a ridiculous amount of thirsty guys who do things like ask for nudes right away, act like simps, and/or send dick pics. In general, people are allowed to act wayyyyyyy worse online than they can in person, hence this behavior.
I’ve given up on online dating, but it made me think. . . how have other people done it? I’ve realized most people I know who are in relationships or at least have sexual partners didn’t actually meet online. They usually met through a social network, mainly either school, work, church, some other organization, or mutual friends. It’s kind of strange since these networks don’t have the purpose of finding partners, but turns out they’re much better at it than Tinder ever could be. These methods of meeting potential partners has several advantages I’ve never considered. I think the biggest one is having more information about the other person. When you meet a potential partner through one of these methods, you can usually find out more information about them through your social network. As a guy, I’ve realized having another person, especially a woman, vouch for you and your character can be useful when dating. This helps other women trust you and lets her know you’re not dangerous. I think this is why many women use mutual friends to find them dates.
Using your social network also has other side benefits. Often times, it gives you and the other person something to talk about (i.e. work, school, mutual friends, ect.) It might also be easier to integrate them in your social gatherings if they’re already in your network. Of course, the risk is if you two get serious and then break up, it could cause a rift in the social group so be careful.
Most of my family and friends met through one of these means. My parents met at college, grandparents through high school, two sets of aunts/uncles through college, one set of aunt/uncle through a company, my brother and his gf through high school, and a couple of my good friends met at our high school. I can’t think of any serious couple I know well who met through Tinder or something similar.
The crazy thing is, I really figured this out through something called FetLife. I’ve recently gotten into the BDSM/Kink community. Most people in the BDSM community have a profile on Fetlife, which is like a kinky version of Facebook. There’s a lot of guys on there that just try to use it as a dating service, and of course it doesn’t work. They never get any responses to messages, and no one will meet up with them. The key is actually getting involved in the community and going to in-person events. When going to events (called « munches »), you get your face out there, people start to recognize you and trust you, and you build friendships. This all helps your reputation, and can lead to more dates than just stalking profiles online. Your social network really helps, and you get to meet cool people!
Getting out of the kink world, I would say if you want to find more dates, build your social network. To do this, try to get involved in local events or communities in person (especially now since things are starting to open up again). Go out of your way to talk to new people and build connections. I will say don’t do something for the SOLE purpose of picking up women (e.g. if you don’t like pottery, don’t join a pottery class with the sole intent of dating, you will be miserable). If your only interests are all male dominated interests (gaming, sports, cars,), it’s going to be a bit more difficult to follow this advice, but I’d still say socialize with people just to build community.
tl;dr: online dating doesn’t work due to lack of trust, better to use social network since there’s already established trust and reputation and you build community
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>tl;dr: online dating doesn’t work due to lack of trust, better to usesocial network since there’s already established trust and reputationand you build community
From a logical, common sense, PoV of course this would be the case. Facebook being the prime example, unless someone is trying to catfish or is just private in general. You can find out a lot about a person just by going their FB profile. As majority just puts it all on there. Or at least they used too.
Unfortunately for me, as I hate FB. Don’t use Instagram and use Twitter as more of a online tool more than a social site. Means I’m doomed! x’D
I never went to college and my work place is dominated by people younger than me so that’s also a huge no-no
My hobbies are male dominated, this kind of advice doesn’t really apply to me at all :/
Life is abundant in opportunity.
If one is truly joyful within the desire to seek a partner or any outside pleasure will not be apparent.
Be your true unique self at all times and see your life become a play of bliss at every moment.
I use Tinder because I am a guy and the ratio at work is 8 guys on 2 girls. There is not much parties that I am invited to.
I have some friends but they don’t know any single girl that I would want to date.
But yes parties and social network is better if you have one.
Nope. Your success in dating is not due in any part to one reason, but a complex combination of thing. Never hAs and never will be simple.
>you build friendships. This all helps your reputation, and can lead to more dates than just stalking profiles online.
That was pursuing.
I am always sharing that same believe – both in person and on social media. OLD should be treated like a video game. If you like gaming, then add OLD to your mix of games. If you’re after a real relationship, then meet organically or through your social network.
I also say start with friendships – which seems to go against the advice of Gen Y and Gen Y men, who are convinced that if you are friends with someone that you will never have sex with them – what rot.