Dating : Dating my first girlfriend, feeling anxious?
Long story short, I come from a conservative background (I’m not), so I only had a gf in high school and the most we did was hold hands. pretty sure she didn’t even like me nor did I like her, so I tend to not count her as a real gf, and we broke up eventually.
Now, I’m 20M dating 20F. I met this woman that’s super fucking awesome, and we got to know eachother for a month as friends, before she said she liked me (and i did too) so now we’re dating.
We’ve been on a few dates that went amazingly well. We’re both so into eachother. I like her A LOT. and she likes me a lot too.
However, a couple of days ago, we went out with our friend group, had drinks and had lots of fun. Until now, everything is absolutely fucking awesome.
I woke up the next day feeling anxious and depressed. I’ve had history with depression and anxiety, but I’ve known how to deal with it my entire life. I’ve never had a gf, let alone someone to like me as much as she does, so I’m afraid that I don’t actually like her? I think I do, and she seems like the perfect person for me, but is my mind just being anxious and telling me something is wrong? or is there some truth to it?
if I think about it logically, we have so many things in common, I enjoy being with her, and i get a boner just thinking about her (btw is this good or bad?).
Sometimes, I get scared of the imaginary scenario where I tell her we’re not gonna work out, because I feel like I WANT to be with her, but for some reason I’m scared to actually commit??
I’m not sure wtf is happening with me, but I don’t have much experience dating.
Can I have some experienced opinion/advice about it all?
I’m in the exact situation as you dude, except we’re both 19. We have been dating for 2 months and this would be a first relationship for the both of us too. Neither of us have any experience so our expectations are low. I guess I don’t really have any advice as I am currently in the same boat as you. The advice given by infaeriie is pretty solid though.
I get a boner thinking about her or when we call, so I relate on that too man. So I think that’s completely fine. I think we’ll slowly learn about each others flaws as we get to know the girl better so just give it some time.
wish i had my first relationship around that age, i envy you
Getting a boner thinking about her is good, yes.
Anxiety is your brain assessing the risk. It’s normal and trying to protect you, which is also good. Emotional pain can be as damaging or moreso from a neurological perspective as physical pain, so it’s a genuine risk.
I would write down on a piece of paper all the things you’re scared could go wrong. Then, for each one, think about what kind of signs you might see beforehand that would let you know they were gonna happen, as well as some steps you might be able to take to help keep them from happening. These should be positive things for the relationship, or like clear communication, versus things like trying to control her behavior or anything like that.
Then burn the paper. You don’t need it. But it’s just a way to get you thinking, there is always some risk involved in love, and you can only really control your own behavior and responses, but there is a fair amount you can get done with that control.