Dating : I’d wish to hear some tips and perspectives from others regarding to dating life experiences
Hey there. I’m simply a young adult male sharing my struggle finding a girl. It’s been quite a while since I seriously was looking for a date and having my eyes locked on someone. I think the best way to start off is by giving a short introduction to whose reddit post you’re reading right now..
Like I said, I’m a young 19-year-old man struggling with dating. My fashion in clothing is a mix of goth and punk styles and I do a lot of gaming (tho I don’t see that gaming part being the problem here, as some may expect it to be). Other hobbies include digital painting, martial arts etc.. I’d say I’m very different from most people.
Now more about my dating experiences: I’ve had Tinder for almost 2 years. I’ve only had one successful date where I got turned down because the person I had met told me having some difficulties to date someone for the time being, but few weeks later she was open about it and simply told me I wasn’t that exciting company, not even as a friend. We had seen each other only once during the day we went out on a date and that’s it. Before that we texted almost hours on end, but after our date she went quiet. As for me, I had been already suspecting that our relationship didn’t work, because I was the only one starting the conversation and keeping it up. It was a waste of time in the end, sadly. Other times on Tinder when I get a match, I try to talk to my match but they wouldn’t even try getting to know me or go out with me. Is this a common thing with Tinder or what’s the problem?
I’m not that outgoing in my personality, but I used to go out drinking regularly in different places. That thing also saw its end coming after my social reputation was suffering from great deal of unending damage. I began losing friends on my second year in high school (in 2017-2018), people stopped talking to me and not wanting to see me, usually presenting obvious excuses why they wouldn’t have time for me. These days I’m spending my time alone in my room from the moment I wake up ’til the time I lay down on bed again. No one hasn’t texted me or called me in 3-4 months, if not counting my online friends who I play games with.
I forgot to mention that I’m a really honest person, so whenever I had some beef with someone I did ask them what was wrong, had I done something, anything really, but they wouldn’t bother answering or just telling me we are good. Before the end of my 3rd year in high school I was finally being targeted and made fun of, only couple of weeks ago, and no one didn’t seem to care to stop it. This happened via Facebook in a group which included many from our school and others. No one seems to really miss or care about me.
Sorry, this is getting way too long. Anyway my point is that I’m asking for choices and opinions of my case. What should I do to increase my chances on finding a girl? Or if anyone’s had similar situations in life with me that has affected them in some way. I seriously don’t much care about having many friends, that’s not my point, I just wonder if you guys see it as a downside for looking a girl if a guy isn’t that famous.
I’m just being desperate, is all. This is my first time seeking for help with my dating life.
EDIT: I’m from a small town, roughly less than thousand people live here and closest city is as far as 70+ kilometers. There aren’t that many places to go and meet people after all, I’ve almost been everywhere around my town in neighbouring towns and events.
Hey mate. Ok so let’s break this down.
1. Meeting a girl. So tinder is always hit and miss and you shouldn’t feel bad about that, keep trying if you want to but perhaps the reason you haven’t had success is that like you said you aren’t outgoing and that does have reflection in conversation.
If you feel like you are starting the conversation too much it’s because you are. People don’t really like to listen but they love to talk. If you don’t share common interests or values then you won’t have a whole lot to speak about. So you might end up pulling it along. That’s ok too, connecting takes time.
From your other post it seems like you have problems connecting with your peers in school. Why is that? You didn’t say what the reason was.
2. Most people form connections though similar interests or activities. You have good friends online because that is your interest and where you spend your time.
You will be out of school soon and you can leave all that childish shit behind. Collage is a great place as well to meet women not to mention getting a job.
3. Everyone thinks they are interesting and special but almost no one is. You have to consider if it isn’t the situation it might be the process. When you speak in person how do you present yourself?
Another part of it is that desperation stinks and people don’t like it. Change the way you look it getting a girl. Maybe focus on meeting new friends and it turn you will meet their friends. This is a great way to meet new people without pressure. Don’t try too hard or care too much. Look out for number one but engage with people without the expectation of anything. This makes you seem confident and people respond to that.
Lastly mate, you don’t really have to stress or worry about it. If you keep your house in order and try to meet people. There’s a good chance it could just fall in your lap.
Hey there, good job on stepping out to analyze & find out what’s going wrong. My honest opinion is that you need to figure out how to be around people first.
This relates to that one Tinder date who thought you weren’t exciting company. Relationships are sustainable when both parties find each other good to talk to, and that’s a basic requirement for getting to know people (before you move on to being something more).
When people find out what you can bring to the table, then they make an effort to stay at the table. I think after getting good at this, the dating & relationships will naturally take an upturn. Even if it doesn’t, you’ll end up finding people/friends you can be with.
#my2cents
Sounds like you’re very bad with social skills… You’re too rigid and drive people away. Honesty is good, but only if people are asking you for it, don’t offer it otherwise.
Gaming is a huge hit against you, it makes you seem like you have no ambition, regardless of if it’s true or not. It’s like a girl wearing tight jean shorts with a thong hanging out, a tramp stamp, and a tank top on… She may not be a hoe, but she’s wearing the uniform.
Anyways, you need to work on your social skills, which means you need to go out to the bars and have conversations with random people and make friends. Listen more than you talk, be relaxed and chill, stick to the FORD method. Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams. Stick to those topics and you’ll be fine.
You’re 19, you’ve got 20 years of chasing girls ahead of you. You should go to college at a party college out of state, preferably in the south.
Goth & punk….
There’s your problem!