Dating : Should I take a chance on something new? [f/23]
My first love was a 4 year long, tumultuous but passionate relationship from age of 16-21, ending in a really intense breakup, which has taken me until very recently to « get over ».
Dated my long-term friend 4 months after that break up, we lasted a year, lived together for some of that time – but I didn’t feel super strongly towards him. There were real moments, and I tried to force it a lot of the time, but for the most part I didn’t feel a deep, powerful love or sexual chemistry.
It took me 6 months of indecisiveness before I finally I broke up with him two weeks ago, haven’t missed him at all and definitely processed a lot of my feelings about the relationship before the break up even happened.
Part of the reason I broke up with him was that I hadn’t given myself enough time to be single after the previous relationship. I realised I’d just found comfort in a friend during a really trying time and that was not at all fair on him.
2 weeks ago, I was looking forward to intensively focusing on myself, my study, and my health.
But last week, on the last day of semester, a guy from a university class asked me to get coffee with him.
I’d been checking him out all semester, felt some kind of strange connection to him, so I thought, well, I’m single now so why not! Let’s have some fun.
The date went so much better than expected (was supposed to be coffee and we ended up hanging out for four hours).
It turns out I really like this guy. We went on another « short » date and ended up spending the entire day together.
We share values (i think), sense of humour, interests and what appears to be a deep understanding of each other. We couldn’t stop talking, we get along so well and there’s some intense chemistry going on.
I genuinely relished every moment with him.
Is it bad that I like someone new so much this soon? Should I put myself first? Is that the mature thing to do?
Or should I enjoy the ride? (which seems to just be serial monogamy :/ ).
Some people will want to take some time to themselves to restore certain balances in their lives that seem to get disrupted when we’re in relationships. Having said that, I don’t think there is anything wrong with something new (I don’t think you’re being immature or putting yourself second). However, although there is nothing wrong with either option on the surface, there is one thing I advise you take into account when making your decision: how a relationship (or its absence) will affect your ability to do all the other things you mentioned you want to do ( » focusing on myself, my study, and my health ») . That is the balance you should be striving for. This is a big picture game OP. Good Luck.
> intense chemistry
So he’s a chemistry major?
You only get a few chances at love in life… Don’t wait till you’re 33 to try something new, you’re young and single this is when you should be trying all the flavors you can, see what you like.