Dating : Pro Tip: Never date an emotionally unavailable person.

Dating : Pro Tip: Never date an emotionally unavailable person.

Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard way recently.

Long story short: I met this wonderful woman (or so I thought) and we dated for a little over a couple of months. During that time, I ignored the red flags, let my guard down, and eventually got dumped. It’s hurts like hell because deep down I thought that if I sticked around long enough and showed her that she could trust me, then she’d feel the same way about me. Boy was I wrong.

I saw the signs way beforehand though. She never told me that she missed me. There were a couple of times where we had not seen each other for a couple of weeks and it didn’t seem to bother her much. She rarely (if ever) initiated anything (i.e. dates, kissing, hand-holding, etc.), and it always seemed like she had other priorities in life. In hindsight, it’s obvious that this was doomed to fail, but at that time it was tricky because she did *just enough* to suggest that she wanted to make things work. For example, if I proposed a date and it didn’t work with her schedule, she’d suggest an alternative date. In other words, the signs aren’t so obvious (especially when you’re not thinking objectively). However, with that said, there is usually that gut feeling that everyone needs to listen to. I only wish that I had listened to mine.

My tip is this: Go online and research some of the common signs of an emotionally unavailable person. It’s funny because I did that and I was able to check off nearly every single check box for her. If you’re seeing any of these red flags, then RUN!!!!! I’m serious… You may see it as a challenge – to win the person over, but that rarely works. Don’t BS yourself. You’ll say « Oh, I’ll just stick around and see what happens. I’ll just see her casually ». But unless you’re only interested in a FWB, then you’ll only hurt yourself in the end. It’s pointless because the person will never change, unless they have a level of self emotional awareness and they’re actively taking steps to fix themselves. Even then, there’s no guarantees.

TLDR: Learn to recognize the signs of an emotionally unavailable person, and DON’T DATE AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE PERSON!!!

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  1. I agree with you completely, OP. I Just got out of a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person. Unfortunately, I ignored the red flags for almost 4 years. I thought that if he loved me enough or wanted our relationship to work, he would take the necessary steps (self-improvement, therapy, etc.) to change. During our breakup, he said he knew he hadn’t dealt with his past but he knew he needed to. He also said that he wasn’t going to change or improve because he didn’t want to put in the effort. There were signs of this throughout our relationship but I was too involved and in love to accept them as being a problem.

    Thank you for your suggestion to do research on these types of people. Being able to recognize the signs in the beginning of a relationship will surely be helpful in finding the right person.

  2. My god, are you me? My girlfriend of ~5.5 months broke up with me a couple days ago because she says she wasn’t ready for a relationship, and I agree with her completely. Basically everything that you experienced happened with her and me, but I figured I would just stick with it because I really like her and I figured she likes me. Honestly I think she genuinely did, but she realized that she wasn’t ready to actually deal with a relationship and she just had to build up her courage to cut it off.

    But absolutely listen to OP @ anyone reading this, I dated this girl and while I enjoyed it when she was being a bit more emotionally invested than normal, it usually ended up with her not reciprocating any feelings of affection through text, pictures, videos, in person, etc. I think in that 5-6 month period I cried more than I had in the past 10 years, just because it felt so awful to be around this person that was supposed to build me up and make me feel happy and wanted, but there was nothing, and combining that with the expectations I had made it hurt so much more.

  3. Unfortunately for my dumbass I’m currently trying to. She told me the other night how she never wants me to leave her and how amazing we are together when we were in bed. Let’s just say that took a complete 180 two days later and now I’m friend zoned again.

  4. I got out of a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person a few months ago. It was quite painful. The relief I felt when I got over him was unparalleled. I won’t miss a person who can hurt me with his indifference anymore. It was peaceful.
    If anyone reading this is with an emotionally unavailable person- save yourself the trouble. Please.

  5. I just went through this myself. Now I’m 5 months into a « situationship » that I keep trying to walk away from but am having a very hard time staying clear away from because I’ve basically fallen in love with him. Meanwhile, he doesn’t love me and doesn’t even know what he wants from me. I agree, don’t even try with an emotionally unavailable person. It’s a trap to think you can help them or that you’ll be different. I thought I knew better, but ugh. It happens to all of us.

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